Ego your enemy

What is ego and how recognising it can help you manage your relationships? The ego is the mental construct of our “self” based on all our beliefs of our personality. It only exists as the idea of our identity and is an illusion.

The ego serves as a protection to guaranty our survival and acts to separate us from anything else in the world.   Those reactions are ruled by its 10 compulsive needs described in this article.

  1. Need to connect
  2. Need for truth
  3. Need to control
  4. Need for identity
  5. Need for certainty
  6. Need to be right
  7. Need to make sense
  8. Need for justice
  9. Need for recognition
  10. Need to defend

In relationships, the ego is often the source of conflicts and arguments. Have you ever been stuck in a never-ending argument led by the need to be right?

Well, I have. But then I asked myself is it what I want or is it my ego controlling me to fulfil its needs? By being aware of the intervention of our ego and acknowledging it, we become mindful. This state of mind allows us to take a step back and think rationally. We are able again to feel love and compassion. Your feeling of irrational jealousy or insecurity or your desperate need of being right will then fade away and you will be able to close the argument.

Bypassing your ego will also allow you to embrace change, consider other perspectives, adapt and grow. Everything that your ego stops you from.

Next time ask yourself would you rather be right or be happy? In her video Xandria Ooi explains how we show so much resistance to other’s people point of view because of our fear and insecurities that will shake our foundation of our “self”.

“Ego. Three little letters that keep us from saying things we really need to say like: I love you, I miss you and I’m sorry”.

 

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