It might sound like a paradox at first. But it is actually the purest love.
Have you ever felt upset, frustrated or disappointed because of your partner’s behaviour? The reason for it might well be attachment.
Attachment happens when we try to hold on to someone or something. Why are we doing this? It is because of our persistent disillusion that people will provide us with more happiness and satisfaction. We then believe that we need them, cannot live without them and we develop fears and insecurities of losing them.
What is the consequences of this behaviour? By creating attachment, we fill ourselves with expectation which is the source of disappointment. We create a co-dependency that will drain our energy. We try to control and change the other person to fit our image of who they should be and feel frustrated every time they don’t match it.
Now that we realized how toxic this kind of relationship can be, how can we get out of it and practise love without attachment?
The process starts by understanding that the source of our happiness is within us and does not depend on someone or something external. The second step is to accept that nothing is permanent and to be in peace with the fact that we might at any time loose what we have. Once those two concepts are understood not only on a cognitive level but also on an emotional level deep inside us, we can finally open ourselves and enjoy.
Detachment should not be confused with not caring which is an instinctive form of defensiveness. In her video Xandria Oii explains how not caring is building a wall to protect us from being affected.
Love without attachment is realizing that we do not need to control, convict or criticize the other person. It is staying engaged in the relationship, caring about the other person and have the ability to be kind while allowing them to make their own choices.
With this dynamic, we create a better connection with our partner because it is only when we are our own individual and stand in our own power that we feel stronger, more confident and more present to be willing to give from our heart and be compassionate.
This takes practice and time to implement it genuinely, but every time I managed to have a glimpse of it, I felt my love being so pure. This feeling doesn’t come alone and is accompanied by the practice of mindfulness, gratefulness and kindness to reach a certain mental state. Guided meditation definitely helps to bring the necessary awareness and experience the possibility to generate with the power of our mind any feelings that we are trying to get from external sources. Here is an example.
Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.” Yasmin Mogahe