How to take control of our life and relationship? (part I)

Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe things are meant to be?

Maybe there is such thing as destiny. But the question is do you want to live your life passively, submit passively to events happening or do you want to be in control and design your life the way you want it to be?

If you answer is taking control then keep reading because there is good news.

Yes, there are many events in life that happens which are beyond human power or control. But we have the ability to decide how we want to react to these events and the meaning we want to give it to them. This power is so strong and at the same time people are often underestimating it, not using it or even not aware of it.

We have so much power in our hands. So, let’s use it and create a schema where we have control and have an impact in the quality of our life.

This schema follows the following steps


This article focuses on the part 1.

  1. Thoughts

It all starts with our thoughts because our thoughts will determine how we feel. Our feelings will determine our actions and our actions will determine the results.

Our mind is always buzzing about something. It is estimated that the human brain processes between 12’000 and 50’000 thoughts per day. While our conscious mind can process about 40 bits of information per second, our subconscious mind can process 40 Million of them per second. So of course, we are not aware of all of our thoughts but all of them have an influence on us. Some are positive and supportive, some are irrelevant and insignificant while others are negative and limiting.

The danger with the negative ones is that they will go straight to the subconscious unquestioned and unchallenged. And over time, they will turn into habitual nagging beliefs. They will trigger negative responses before we can process what happened. And this all happens without us realizing it.

This is the reason why it is important to be aware of our thoughts. So that we can turn negative thoughts into positive ones. Just take a moment to pay attention to your thoughts. It might sound very easy but it is not something that comes naturally.

Mindfulness can be described as “the skill of knowing what’s happening in your head at any given moment without getting carried away by it.”

Mindfulness takes practice. Here I can recommend meditation. Meditation will help you to calm your mind, get more clarity and be aware of your thoughts.

Another useful exercise is setting intentions. I realized that by doing so every morning it helps me to program my brain and set a filter that will work during the day automatically and without conscious effort.

Every morning I tell myself:

“I want to be happy, I want to be positive, I want to be joyful, I want to enjoy little things, I want to love what I do and do what I love, I want to go for my dreams and make a difference”.

This mindset will influence all information I will filter and focus on during the day. It will as well influence positively my thoughts.

In the next article we will find out more about how our thoughts influence the way we feel.

For some more tips on controlling your feelings, read here.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts” — Marcus Aurelius

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