Love without attachment

Have you ever felt upset, frustrated or disappointed because of your partner’s behaviour? The reason for it might well be attachment.[…] Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.” Yasmin Mogahe. Find out here how to practice love without attachment.

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Ego your enemy

What is ego and how recognising it can help you manage your relationships? [… ] It is difficult to identify it, but we can often witness the emotional reactions it creates. [… ]Have you ever been stuck in a never-ending argument led by the need to be right? [… ]Bypassing your ego will also allow you to embrace change, consider other perspectives, adapt and grow.

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Love languages

“Communication is the key!” How many times did we hear this? Event though it became a cliché and nobody wants to hear about it anymore, it is still truth. As simple as it looks like, communication being a two-way process of giving and receiving information becomes tricky when the sender and the receiver do not use the same code. […] I was finally able to identify his primary love language, to receive the message he had been sending me this whole time and most importantly feels his love. […]Take the test here to discover your and your partner´s primarily love language.

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Meeting your emotional needs

As part of our genetic make-up, we are born with a set of physical and emotional needs. […]
When our needs are satisfied our brain will trigger the release of chemicals giving us a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when they are not satisfied, we are left with a feeling of distress, anger and frustration. […]
 I started being aware of emotional needs while recognizing patterns in different arguments with F. They all started with very small things but they happened to all be related to the same fundamental emotional needs.

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Expressing your feelings

Being understood and cared about is a source of fulfillment in a relationship. So this is naturally that I feel the need to express my feelings to F. But several time sharing my feelings has triggered frustration and dispute rather than the connection I was looking for. After reflecting on this recurrent pattern I spotted two main problems that can be easily solved. The first one is to understand where our feelings are coming from and the second one is to learn how to express them. […] Mindfulness helps us to do the transition from victim of our feelings to ownership. […] “What matters is the combination of what one person says or does and the other person’s interpretation of the words or actions”.

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Enjoying your relationship

“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time”. Yes F and me are working on our relationship on a constant basis and we decided to face all problems, issues, frustration and misunderstandings openly and to solve them. But we for sure do not forget to enjoy and have fun in our life. […] Many recent studies show that increasing the number of sweet moments of fun and celebration in your loving relationship actually creates more connection and intimacy over time than showing up in the hard times. […] According to Dr. John Gottman´s, the magic ratio is 5:1.

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Building trust

At the beginning of our relationship with F, I was unconsciously looking for signs to find out how much he cared about me. My mistake was to interpret every little gestures while it is wrong to believe that all of our actions always reflect our feelings. Indeed, it can be misleading as loving someone and showing our love are two different things. At a certain point I made the choice to trust him. A decision that makes you vulnerable but that also liberates you from any fear of being hurt as you decide to believe that your partner will not act in a way that will harm you. [… ] Dr. Rupert Spira explains in his video our insecurities come from our intuition and innate knowledge that everything is insecure.

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Love seeks complement

While getting to know each other better with F, we have noticed several times that we have different perspectives. Our way to look at situations often differs. This has raised some doubts about our compatibility. After reflecting I realized that the source of our differences comes from our distinctive personality. […] But then I understood that our differences complement each other. […] Dr. Helen Fisher analyzed the scientific aspect of it by looking closer at the four chemicals directly related to personality traits: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. Listen to her interesting theory here.

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Giving without expectation

When I started my relationship with F I decided to apply something crucial I am still practicing – giving without expectation. When you give without expectation you open yourself, you are ready to give from yourself, embrace your feelings and express them, make efforts and compromises without having any security or guaranty. Yes, it is scary and yes there is a big risk of getting hurt but there is also a big chance of finding happiness. Because love is expansive. A famous Buddhist said: “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free”. [… ]

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Love as a choice

When we first met with F we were in an environment where there was a lot of space for closeness or in other words not a lot of physical space which encouraged us to get closer to each other. Somehow it felt very natural and comfortable to be closed to him. On our next date we changed surroundings and were stimulated to make conversation. […] So it was very easy to fall in love. For scientists love is an emotion aimed at keeping human species alive by reproducing. According to them we do not choose who we fall in love with. […] As Mandy len Catron explains in her article: “Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.”

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